Power Rankings for Week 13

I was joking around with the guys over at Arrowhead Addict about the Bills beating the Chiefs as being equated to beating the fat kid in dodgeball. I figured why not do some power rankings with categories of other gym class monikers. So here it is, the NFL according to a gym class:

Special Education Class – the guys who have to wear their helmets on the bus as well as on the field.

(32) Detroit – The league should consider renaming the last place spot in the league for these guys. It makes you wonder why the league keeps asking us to keep the best meal of the year down while watching these guys play. Unless they get better I say we select a team worth watching on Thanksgiving.

(31) Cincinnati – The most interesting news for this team this year was about Johnson trying to change his name to Ocho-Cinco. Maybe the team should take a page out of his book and change their name to Los Angeles or Las Vegas.

(30) Kansas City – A group of college guys trying to hold on to their frat days by playing college ball in the NFL. There’s a reason why college teams don’t play pros, they can’t win.

(29) St. Louis – They arguably could be just the worst team in football, but somehow manage to beat other teams.

Asthmatics with Doctor Notes – the weezer’s that want to play, but a little excitement could kill them.

(28) Seattle – the fringe team on the bottom, they really need to get some key players in to help turn this team around.

(27) San Francisco – 49ers fans may want to start believing in reincarnation, because Jerry Rice and Joe Montana might be the only thing to help this team out.

(26) Oakland – It’s tough to win games when your coaching staff has a game plan you practice for all week, and then the owner comes in right before kickoff and resets the plan.

(25) Cleveland – how much will this city pay to get a third team to try and get a winner?

(24) Jacksonville – a disappointing season and only in the runnings this year because of their work last year.

(23) Houston – never been able to be good since they came back. The best news here is who is going to get removed first, second time Cleveland or second time Houston.

(22) San Diego – talk about a collapse; this was supposed to be the team to rival New England for the top spot, and haven’t seem to get a groove going this year.

Out Like the Fat Kid in Dodgeball – these poor guys try just enough to not get hurt, but still end up embarrassing themselves. Some are just a little work away from cracking the top groups.

(21) Green Bay – Aaron Rodgers can be good, the shoes he had to fill were just to large. Controversy or not, this team would have been better had they not let the Favre circus go the way it did.

(20) Philadelphia – its hard to say why the decisions in Philly are made the way they are given the volatile environment the Philadelphia fans make. Benching McNabb for one half? I think it takes more than that to shake up a player and make him play better. Especially one like McNabb who is past his prime. Could this be the off-season that Philly makes a move at QB?

(19) Miami – off season moves have resurrected the worst team in NFL history (Detroit may help erase the memory of the 2007-2008 Dolphins). Chad Pennington and the Wildcat offense have done a lot to help this offense out.

(18) Minnesota – one of those teams who always seems to be in the middle of the pack.

(17) Chicago – leading the mediocre NFC north, but not by much. Don’t expect this division to turn heads in the playoffs.

(16) Denver – just getting by in the AFC since the good old days. Better team than they are playing up to.

(15) New Orleans – maybe the state needs another natural disaster to help motivate the team?

We Get a Grade For This? – these guys are fringe teams, who if they tried a little harder, could be contenders, but they only try hard enough to be pretenders.

(14) Buffalo – mediocrity is the key word in Buffalo. When you have a coach with a sub .500 all time record, going .500 seems like an accomplishment. If this team can grow together and get a coaching staff with passion, they could be dangerous. Only a few pieces away from being good again, most of those pieces involve the coaches.

(13) Dallas – this Cowboys team should be better. They were the pre-season favorites to go far, and are only a couple of games better than San Diego, who was crowned early to lead the AFC. Bringing Pac-man Jones back is only going to add to the mess and help bring this team down. Romo going out didn’t help, as long as he stays healthy he could help raise them back up to possible contenders, but with as much parity in this league, I doubt they will win it all.

(12) Washington – The coaching change was a start, now they just need to get the right pieces in place. Some parts are their, but not all.

(11) Atlanta – their play has helped overshadow the Vick mess, but they were a better team with him.

(10) Baltimore – too much defense prevents them from winning consistently.

(9) Carolina – not played any body tough to test the team, if they make the playoffs, watch them get bounced early.

Gym Class Heroes – these are the guys who try every week and put in a solid effort

(8) Pittsburgh – still a fearful place to play, but can’t seem to hold onto that power like they use to.

(7)Tampa – haven’t been the same team since going to the Superbowl, but still looking to make a splash, will be interesting to see if they can hold on to the division lead.

(6) New England – Tom Brady would have helped this team, but they haven’t really missed a beat in staying in contention. Brady’s star power pushed these guys into powerhouse league, now they are just a good team.

(5) Indianapolis – Still hungover, this team has the potential, but can’t seem to stay on top of it.

(4) Tennessee – they almost made the New England Patriots accomplishment look silly. Had this team gone 16-0, last years special season in New England would not have had the same meaning. I’m just glad they lost to a team like the Jets, and didn’t leave it to Detroit to stop another historic attempt.

Jocks – the guys with locker room towel snapping rights just because they play organized sports.

(3) Arizona – playing like a buzzsaw coupled with being in possibly the worst division in football have allowed this team to win, and sometimes big. Still faulty though, it would be doubtful they make a long playoff run.

(2) NY Jets – adding Favre to the lineup and Brady’s quick exit this season have helped propel this team from the bottom of the AFC East to contending for a playoff spot. The only thing left to see is if Favre’s age will prevent them from going the distance in the playoffs.

(1) NY Giants – from wild card champions, to stallions. They definitely are not suffering from the hangover of winning it all. A little taste of winning keep these guys going. Even without their top guys they find a way to win.