Which NFL Teams Need New Uniforms?

Ugly, ugly uniforms. Plus they'd been sullied by Trent Edwards. These duds needed to go.

To the joy of everyone with anyone with even a bit of taste, the Bills announced earlier this year that they are finally, finally ditching their hideous uniforms that the team debuted in 2002. The less said about these uniforms (and the Bills teams that played in these uniforms), the better. Suffice to say these godawful duds won’t be missed. I’m not super thrilled or anything with Buffalo’s new uniforms (which were leaked in a Madden ’12 preview last month), but there’s no way this is not a huge improvement.

Now that these visual blights are off the NFL landscape, I got to thinking: what other fashion disasters are irreparably damaging the corneas of NFL fans each Sunday? Which teams desperately need a uniform switch?

Now, I have a few important rules about making a uniform switch:

a) NEVER change your uniform right after winning the Super Bowl. The Rams won XXXIV and the very next season switched to a different color scheme. This wasn’t a bad change stylistically, but NOT RIGHT AFTER A  SUPER BOWL WIN. They lost Super Bowl XXXVI  and  haven’t been back since.

b) Once you’ve hit upon a perfect, iconic uniform, don’t change it. This goes for the Packers, Steelers, Cowboys, Saints, Bears, Raiders and Browns. Possibly the Dolphins as well.

c) If you’ve sucked for a while and you DON’T have a perfect uniform, make a change. That uniform scheme is associated with failure. The Lions recently did this. The Bucs did it a while back. Both excellent changes.

With that in mind, here’s my list of teams in need of a new look:

1) Carolina


Ugh. Everything about these uniforms screams “designed in the early 90′s.” Look, the early-to-mid 90′s were a terrible time for us all fashion-wise. I’m certainly not proud of anything I wore in that time period.

But seriously, is there any team that needs a top-to-bottom rebranding more than Carolina? And this would have been a perfect time to do it, what with the Cam Newton era starting and all. Want a suggestion to get started on the re-design?Get rid of all this freaking teal. That’d help.

2) Seattle

I actually don’t mind those ridiculous lime-green monstrosities. They’re goofy and fun and fine to wear once a season. However, I think the current home and away uniforms are two of the worst uniforms in the league. The all-blue is awful (especially on larger players), and the away uniforms are just kinda…there. And not attractive. I’d rather they went to the lime-green at home than their current routine.

3) Tennessee

Seriously, what the hell is that? Who in the world looked at the Titans’ home uniforms and thought “330-pound men will look FANTASTIC in these!”? These are easily the league’s worst uniforms. Time to wipe the slate clean: new uniforms, new non-stupid-flaming-thumbtack logo, new everything. Here’s a hint: light blue on dark blue is impossible to make look good. Impossible.

4) New England

(Seen above: the only picture of Chris Kelsay ever getting near Brady on a pass rush.)

I actually don’t hate the Patriots’ uniforms, but why does a team called the “Patriots” have silver in the color scheme? Silver’s not on the American flag, guys. Also, that logo is really freaking stupid. The Flying Patriot Head needs to go. It’s been a while since they’ve won the Super Bowl, so it’s more than acceptable to make a switch here. They actually had great uniforms that they still break out occasionally, but I don’t blame them for changing them, as they had four decades of failure stink on them.

5) Washington

Nothing wrong with the actual uniforms, style-wise. But here’s the problem:

How is it still acceptable that there is a team called the “Redskins” in 2011? Seriously.

You might say “tradition” and all that, but no. There’s just no justification for it. Change the name already.

 

So that’s it. Any other uniforms you want changed? Think I’m crazy for wanting any of these changed? Let us know in the comments.

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  • Damion

    This reads like a review written by the “men” of Queer eye for the staight guy”.

    “Look, the early-to-mid 90′s were a terrible time for us all fashion-wise. I’m certainly not proud of anything I wore in that time period.”

    “Ugh. Everything about these uniforms screams “designed in the early 90′s.”

    “Who in the world looked at the Titans’ home uniforms and thought “330-pound men will look FANTASTIC in these!”?”

    Men who love football (not watching hunky guys in tight pants) don’t write things like this.

    As for your PC Redskin position, move-on please. Enough with the “I’m offended” bulls***. Go build a bridge and get over it.

  • Brad Andrews

    I’ll just ignore the whole “you’re gay if you care about style in any way, shape, or form” comment because it’s not even worth a discussion.

    But the Redskins thing? I’ll defend that. Seriously, what if there was an expansion team next year in the NFL or any other pro sport and the owners decided to call the team the “Redskins” or “Injuns” or “Chinks” or any other name you could think for an ethnic group? Wouldn’t that be ridiculous and offensive for no good reason? Of course it would. So why is acceptable just because the team’s been around for a while?

    And don’t just throw around “PC” like that’s some “win the argument automatically” card. This isn’t handwringing about political correctness. This dealing with a no-doubt-about-it racist mascot for a major business in the nation’s capital.

  • marcos

    the article was interesting with good opinions. the last comment about changing the redskins name is gay.

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