The offseason is a time for reflection. As well as predicting how each team and player will perform in the upcoming season. Let’s reflect on the Miami Dolphins today; in the first segment of “5 reasons to make fun of”.
The Miami Dolphins and the Buffalo Bills rivalry dates back decades ago.
The Dolphins made the playoffs last year. Meanwhile, the Buffalo Bills are in the midst of a 17 year playoff drought. Because of this it has made it easy for other teams to mock the Bills.
Trash talk can be brutal, so sometimes you need a little extra fire power. I hope some of the items on the list will save you some heartache as other teams attempt to bash your team. Bills fans or not, the Dolphins deserve to be made fun of, so here goes it:
1. THIS is Ryan Tannehill’s year!
Miami Dolphins quarterback, Ryan Tannehill, has been labeled as a potential breakout candidate for the past four years. He is a perennial average quarterback in the NFL. It seems as if every year, blogs are clamoring that this is the year!
Let’s look at some of the headlines in the past couple of years:
Washington Times / September 9, 2015
"Ryan Tannehill believes he’s poised for breakout season with Dolphins"
Even Tannehill was talking the talk two years ago. In 2015, Tannehill declined in passing touchdowns and completion percentage from the year before
Dolphin’s Fan Site / May 29, 2016
"With the Miami Dolphins offseason built around improving the supporting cast for quarterback Ryan Tannehill, he appears primed for a breakout season."
Last year PFF graded Tannehill as the 15th best quarterback. He posted 230.4 passing yards a game (his worst mark of his career) and a 67.1 completion percentage
Bleacher Report / April 19, 2017
"Tannehill has been overlooked for much of his career, and he hasn’t had much support in terms of offensive playmakers. But with a rebuilt offensive line and a deep receiving corps, he could take a big step forward as a potential Pro Bowl quarterback in his age-29 season."
This was posted a few months ago. I guess all we can do is wait for Ryan Tannehill to start his breakout campaign in a few months!
2. The Miami Dolphins head coach, Adam Gase, also known as offensive mastermind, somehow managed to run the fewest offensive plays in the NFL last season.
The number of offensive plays you run somewhat correlates with how good of offense the team has. New Orleans has one of the best offenses with quarterback, Drew Brees, at the helm. The Saints sat atop the mountain running an average of 69.1 offensive plays per game. The Cardinals, Patriots, and Eagles were not far behind.
As your eyes glaze to the bottom of the list, here are the bottom six teams in offensive plays per game:
- 27. Cleveland Browns
- 28. Kansas City Chiefs
- 29. Detroit Lions
- 30. Chicago Bears
- 31. Los Angeles Rams
- 32. Miami Dolphins
It is tough to fault all of these teams because three of them made the playoffs, including the Dolphins. The main factor in all of them making the playoffs was their defense. Which makes sense since their defense is on the field for so many plays in a game.
For a well-respected offensive minded coach, we might expect to see Gase step up the tempo for his team in 2017.
3. Their 278-pound defensive end believes in mermaids, but not the dinosaurs. Don’t forget the Earth is flat!
Miami Dolphins’ William Hayes, was showcased on HBO’s Hard Knocks last season rambling on about some interesting topics.
He was seen in the locker room talking to fellow players about the supposed hoax. Teammate, Chris Long, isn’t too sure:
"“He thinks archaeologists place bones underground like a parent would place Easter eggs,” Long said earlier this season, laughing. “They just planted them. It’s some large conspiracy. He does not believe that dinosaurs ever existed and he thinks that mermaids are real. I love dinosaurs, so we have a big point of contention.”"
Here is what former coach, Jeff Fisher, had to say about Hayes:
"“Will Hayes absolutely believes and is totally convinced that there are mermaids and they do exist, OK. As a matter of fact, I remember him getting really excited about the potential for moving out here because he knew he would be closer to mermaids here on the West Coast.”"
Assuming that he didn’t find any mermaids off the coast of California, it is only right he now resides in Miami.
4. One of the fiercest Miami Dolphins defenders of the past five years has been Brent Grime’s wife.
The Dolphins obviously have some great defenders in Suh, Wake, and Willaims, but Brent Grimes used to be their premier defensive back.
In more recent news, his wife has made more headlines for off the field issues than Grimes has on the field.
In a string of vulgar and explicit tweets, Miko Grimes called out the Dolphins front office, bashed Grime’s Jewish teammates, and claimed that her husband might soon retire.
That may be the holy trinity of bad tweets from someone related to the NFL.
Here is one of her less vulgar tweets:
December 27, 2015
"“i shouldve known we were gonna lose when i heard we didnt complete A SINGLE PASS in 2min drills this week against the practice squad defense”"
This one is definitely believable considering Grimes tells her about his day and what transpired at practice. Brent Grimes may have meant for this to be a private conversation, but that was not the result.
It was also reported that some NFL teams refrained from signing Brent because of his wife’s antics. A player that brings baggage will make teams stay away, no matter how good of a player he is. These could be legitimate fears with the threat of bullets . . .
"“Miko spoke out in a series of vulgar tweets this week directed at reporters and Twitter critics alike. In one tweet Monday, she appeared to threaten Miami Herald reporter Armando Salguero, writing, “that fat [expletive] armando thinks he’s safe from bullets bc we might be released is the funniest part of this whole things.”"
-Fox Sports
Don’t forget she was arrested in front of the Dolphins stadium for drunkenly attacking a police officer.
Another thing worth commenting on are the cakes that she makes. Miko Grimes specializes in crafting birthday cakes that are absolutely NSFW. Look at your own risk. Or don’t.
5. Bills Fan: Hey
Dolphins fan: The ’72 Dolphins are the greatest team ever
Going undefeated in the NFL has only been done one time, and sure enough it was the Miami Dolphins. The feat has become much harder this century because of the extended schedule, adding five games. But don’t let that take away their fame.
My least favorite part of the NFL season is when Mercury Morris is shown on ESPN talking about the ’72 Dolphins season and how great it was. This usually falls right around week ten after the last team receives their first loss.
Did you know the players left from the undefeated team actually get together and toast champagne every year following another season of no team matching their achievement?
If you think the team is humble about that season, then see the picture featured at the top of this post.
Here is a post from theheckler.com detailing Mercury Morris’ statement about the team:
"“For a while we only did this after the last remaining undefeated NFL team dropped a game each season,” said Mercury Morris, the who’s only claim to fame and reason for living is having served as a running back on the ’72 Dolphins. “But then we realized we could get a lot more publicity if we celebrated every time the last team in any league wasn’t going to go undefeated. It keeps us busy and makes things much more interesting.”"
A publicity stunt from start to finish.
Kid around about the Dolphins to a fan, and you will be sure to hear about the 1972 team.
Next: Vegas releases crazy odds for LeSean McCoy to win MVP
Do you have any other grievances with the Miami Dolphins? Leave yours in the comments below!